Monthly Archives: January 2013

Mom’s birthday!!!!!!

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 Its my mother’s birthday!!! So we are celebrating. Do you love my expert decorating technique?^^^ Its pretty spectacular if i say so myself. 😀 I also burnt my finger and started working at the movie theater last thursday. SO…..yeah. ive been tired but i love working there!! I work again friday!! Wish me luck 😀

Dear Self Magazine,

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I dont think its fair to say that short hairstyles are only fit for models and people with sharp model features. I believe everyone looks beautiful in everything. I think im more upset at the fact that youre emphasizing the feminist idea that all women need to have long hair. I dont have long hair because i look like a 12 year old and i have an edgier style. I believe your personal style belongs to you and emphasizes your personality and confidence level. A better way to have done that article was to say that short hairstyles look better on people with long faces and how to incorporate different styles for your face shape. I felt like you were telling people with short hair that they were not as attractive as people with long hair and that they should change themselves to get people to like them. Guys should like you for you, not by how thin you are, the length of your hair, how much skin you show or how much you put out. There was defiantly a better way to do that article then by telling women they need to look like Haley Berry or a model to get guys to like them.

Sincerely,

new non-subscriber

Rule #7 Never date a man who is afraid of your success.

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**This is not a man hating post!***

I recently cancelled my subscription to Self Magazine. There was a recent article about what men thought about women’s trends and what they liked and dislike. One guy said that he would never approach a girl with short hair. Another guy said that only Halle Berry should have short hair. Im used to hearing this, but the magazine usually adds something like “40% of men still prefer women with short hair” etc. Stuff like that. Self magazine, on the other hand, defending what the men said, saying that the only people who should have short hair are models. I thought that was incredibly rude, so i sent them an email defending women. (Ill put that up later)

I told my mother about this and we made a very interesting observation. Halle Berry, right? Ever wonder why she cant keep a man? She is sexy as hell but cant keep a man. Many would say its because she is so beautiful and can have any man that she wants. In truth, its more than that. Ever seen a successful woman, who owns their own business with a man? Not very often. 

According to ABC Nightline, a study from back in 2010, says that 42% of African American women have yet to be married. These women are successful. Only 23% of White women have yet to be married. 

Mom and I came up with an explanation. Men like to be the care-giver. They like the idea of feeling valued, like what they do is impressive and they like to feel in charge and depended on. Women like Halle Berry already have a successful career, they have money, and ambition. They don’t need a man to provide and i have met a lot of men who need to feel like they are providing something. I am a very independent woman and it is hard when a guy wants to pay for my dinner on a date. It bothers me so much but for some reason, it makes them happy. 

Im just throwing this out there because it seems logical. Obviously the men in that article feel intimidated by women with short hair which sucks because i see short hair as confidence. When I have long hair, i tend to hide behind it. I retract into myself and become complete anti-social. My advice, like someone who likes you for you and isnt trying to change you to the image of what they really wanted. 

Rule #6 Be a little bit conceited……just a little

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I posted the video Conceited by Remy Ma for many reasons. Let me first set the record straight. I am a entertainment business major so i listen to all types of music, so just because i post a rap video does not make me a hood rat, a ghetto bitch, or a statistic. I have the right to listen to what I want. Last night, I listened to Justin Beiber and this morning I was singing Ur So Gay by Katy Perry. 

But I posted this video because it made me realize something.  Yes, this video and song is very materialistic and ghetto but I can always see things in another view. Remy Ma is a 30 year old Grammy Nominated rapper from the Bronx. I like this song Conceited by her because it makes a valid point. Two sets of lyrics stood out to me from this song:

Miraculous, phenomenal and
Ain’t nobody in here stopping you
Show no love ‘cus you whut’s up
Look at ya self in the mirror like what da fuck
Damn I look good and can’t nobody freak it like I could
Yeah okay I got a little fat butt
My shorty tell me he like it like that
I’m happy
…….

See I look to good to be fuckin’ you
And I look to good to be loving you
You know, I look way to good to stuck with you
I’m conceited I got a reason

I felt like i agree with her. What I got was that you need to be a little bit conceited with yourself to create some kind of confidence. My favorite quote is from The Perks of Being A WallFlower.( We Accept the love we think we deserve. )Completely true! I have had so many friends who dont like themselves who end up with complete assholes! I have a friend now who works and attends school 24/7. She acts like a battered wife waiting around in quiet rooms for her boyfriend to get home. When she invites me to hang out with her, she doesnt ask “Hey! Lets go shopping or get coffee” instead its “Hey, wanna hang out until my boyfriend gets off work.” We spend the next 3 hours sitting in her car, trying to decide what to do, usually ending up in his place of work, walking around and starring at him while he works.  I know it sounds petty of me to complain, but thats not the end of the story. The last time we were together, her boyfriend got in the car with a pissy attitude, which, to me, was normal. He was mad for no real reason besides hating his job. When my friend told him about getting her check for the difference off her student loan, he yelled at her.

“I dont see why you needed to get a loan! Youve been able to pay for school without one all this time, you need to return that shit!” She responded by telling him how she failed two classes last semester because she tried to work a lot to pay for her semester. Well… he just kept yelling saying how she never did anything when he was around. She just sat around on her ass and a little more work wouldnt hurt her. The girl was exhausted! Basically, i was sitting in the middle of an argument where he just yelled at her and she accepted it, retreating almost to tears. She had settled for an asshole! I could never tell her this but all the joy and laughter had turned to anxiety about making sure he was happy and catering to his every whim instead of having fun with her friends. She could do so much better! but because she is a bigger girl, she continues to date him instead accepting how amazing she is and that being alone for a while wont hurt you. 

So my sixth rule is to be a bit conceited. I have often fallen for the trap of thinking i was incredibly blessed that one guy found me attractive, even if he was ugly, perverted, a jerk, etc. I was acting desperate just because im a bigger girl. Then i saw this video and realized something….. IM BLACK. I dont have to conform to societies image of a body. Black women are seen as sexy thick women who have curves. We have more muscle tone for its hard to get a space between our thighs. So to see her being proud and not settling for men made me want to change my way of thinking. 

Women just are not conceited enough. I mean, there are some self-absorbed ones but I’m wondering. What would happen if every woman stopped dating men who just asked you out to get their fuck on, the men who only hit on them for a one night stand. What if they looked at the men, or at themselves and think “I look way too good to be fucking him”? Am i crazy? because I think that about a guy i know now, that is bad for me now and I feel 300% better about saying that to him. I feel like saying it gives me permission to move on to the next guy. I just usually feel this obligation to date this person because it doesnt happen very often that a guy likes me. But it doesnt excuse bad behavior or luke warm feelings. As women, we should be allowed to say no and love ourselves, regardless of how unattractive others think we are. WE can have standards!!

No man should make you feel like shit just because you’re different. Because i bet, you’re incredibly sexy, and just don’t know it yet. ;-P 

The way I see it happening is like that scene in Crazy. Stupid. Love. where Steve Carrell’s character returns, after getting laid, and completely rules that bar. So, for the next month, im gonna test it. Im just tired of settling and i dont feel like others should have to either. I never feel sexy but thinking this makes me feel confident and sexy for once. Just.. let me know when it starts going to my head, deal? Haha