Cyber Update

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I have not written in a while and you’ll soon find out why.

I have been working on a fabrication. Yep. This is my first time fabricating a cosplay outfit and it’s been a journey. Ive been instagraming the process and I decided to update my blog.

My fabrication project for Time Lord Fest……*drum roll*…..

Femme Cyberman

Yep. I am using someone’s designs to influence mine and i will give him credit when I figure out how to and when Im not in an immense amount of pain from eating food im allergic to.

Anyway, keep close to you computers because im about to post my progress. I’m still on the second step, creating pattersn, which has bee difficult but im highly optimist.

Talk to you guys soon!

-JackJAck

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Week 1:

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I did write a song…and a half.

I don’t even know if they are good or not. I want to sing them but I just know whats gonna happen. Ill freak out and be too nervous to sing in front of people. Which is incredibly dumb because I love being in front of people. It doesnt bother me. My dream before the end of summer is to sign up for the open mic night at the coffee shop near the university and sing my songs. That’s my current short-term goal. I’ve never really had goals besides weight loss. This is new!

My long term goal is to sing and make a difference. I mean, yes, It would be cool to be recognized for great music with great friends in my band but not if it doesn’t change someone’s life. It’s not about me, It’s about God. I’ve gone through so many emotions and I have no idea how to release them so I just keep them bundled up inside, it literally kills me sometimes. I wrote my latest song when grandma and I had a fight. The strangest thing was that I usually wrote about how I think I am the worst kind of person, how i suck at life and how I have no friends that would care if I disappeared. Instead I wrote about how we can knock each other down and continue to be at each others necks but we have to accept who we are for whom we are. God made us this way for a reason and I’m not going to be ashamed.

Its a lot to take in but I hope it comes out great. If all else fails, Ill song it accapelo (dont judge me that I cant spell that right, Its late at night! haha) until I figure out how to play guitar. I just don’t want someone else to hear until its absolutely perfect. I shouldnt feel like that but these are my feelings and I have never been this open when anyone.

It’s gonna be terrifying when I am…

Oh Gosh..

Pray for me! ha

Update! And now stuff

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Hey girl Hey!

It’s been an interesting time. I did do the 7 day Beauty Challenge. Unfortunately, I didnt get a chance to update my blog because of the fact that the iphone app requires the ios7 update and I dont have the space for that on my phone. I also have a cracked screen. So….My phone would probably have a seizure.

The 7 day Beauty challenge kinda turned into the 1 month challenge after my birthday. I went to the beach and being black, I did not expect to turn 8 shades darker, and get a sunburn all across my shoulders. I peeled like crazy which has never happened!!!!! Since when do black people get sunburned? Since I turned 8 shades darker, none of my makeup matched anyway, therefore, no makeup… I did put on eyeliner and shadow on important church tech days where people have to look at me. But on other days, nothing but the left over residue of mascara that didn’t come off the night before. 

7 day beauty challenge: Success!

Next challenge. I found out the other day at church that my main spiritual gift is music; then evangelism, serving and shepardship. I’ve been yelled at by my mom to make music or at least produce it. 

I didn’t.

Ive been yelled at by my previous friends that they didnt know I could sing and that I should more often.

I didn’t.

I’ve been offered opportunities at church to sing

I won’t.

I’ve been offered opportunities to learn guitar for free, with a payment of baked goods instead of money.

I haven’t taken the opportunity.

I confessed that I feel God most when I sing its the one thing I’ve been told to do my entire life. Its been my dream since I was a small child to sing and perform on-stage in front of people with music that meant something, could change a life. Every aptitude test tells me that I should be doing performing arts, or some kind of form of it. I’ve gotten awards for my art, I can play any instrument I put my hands on, and I still won’t. And I admit its because I’m petrified. I don’t have the same style as everyone else. I cant sing like the sassy black women everyone is used to. I just feel like I am not good enough to achieve the one dream i’ve always had. 

God gave me this dream and a voice and everything has fallen apart in my life except this dream. I feel like I had to grow to realize that what he wants me to do is not what I’m comfortable with. 

I know I sound crazy but give me a minute to explain. 

I started playing violin in 6th grade. I soon switched to viola because my arm was too long and I self taught myself to read the music. I could hear the note and match it. I was excepted into a performing arts school in 9th my first try without passing a single music theory class after elementary school. My family moved to Mississippi when I was 15 and I joined the Junior orchestra where they had a concert coming up in a week. I learned the intricate music in 6 days, only having heard it played twice. I did previously learn to play piano at my performing arts school but that about it. I haven’t played or sung anything since. 

Enter a week ago, where I bought a book to learn to play guitar on my own. I learned the name of the strings and the next thing i knew, It all just clicked. I knew the notes at each fret and my finger placement was getting better. I was excited and then got scared. 

I haven’t picked it up since. 

So yeah, Im scared. Down right petrified. I could have what I’ve always wanted, I could write a song and sing it at a coffee, but I’m too petrified. 

My new challenge includes facing my fears and getting closer to God. I’m picking up my guitar at least once a day and practicing. I have started a new bible plan called……hold on let me look….You are Gifted: Devotions From Time of Grace. 

The synapse says:

We all experience times of insecurities. It is our hope that this reading plan inspires you to see yourself a little more as God sees you.” – Time of Grace, http://www.timeofgrace.org, Bible app

Had to make sure I at least gave some kind of reference just in case someone tries to be a douche and get me for some kind of plagiarism thing. I dont know! It’s just what I learned at school. Dont judge me! HA 

But yeah, I am hoping it’ll be really eye opening. With each verse that I feel speaks to me, I’m gonna write a song kinda based on the lesson and what God says to me. I love to write but I never finish so I’m giving each song of at least a week to ponder and just listen. I don’t give the chance to speak to me. Im always like “God, You’ve got 5 minutes. Spit fire your meaning to me. Right…Now. GO!” It took a while to learn that God does not work like that. God has been trying to get my attention for a while, ever since college, when I had the wrong friends, went to the wrong parties, dated the wrong guys, thought the worst things about myself… I prayed to God one day and he snatched everything from me so I was an empty canvas. Now, when I get lazy or depressed and I start to regain bad habits and repeat patterns, God kinda rips the table cloth off the table and everything i’m doing gets shaken up. Thats how he talks to me now. That sounds really mean but Im thick skulled. 

Here’s the list…

Learn to play guitar: Challenge Accepted

Read my bible everyday: Challenge Accepted

Write a song each week: Challenge Accepted

Basically….

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7 day beauty challenge

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Today I was starring at my hair in the light after I deep conditioned it and noticed some split ends. It sucks because ive been working on it and keeping it healthy but Tuesdays, wednesdays and thursdays I put so much heat on it just trying to be pretty. I told my mother that today is the day I stop putting heat on my heat. Its unhealthy and killing it. Ive been trying really hard to grow it out. I also decided to stop putting makeup on for the next 7 days as well. By makeup, I mean heavy makeup like foundation, primer, concealer, powder, bronzer, blush, highlighter, liner, shadow, primer, etc. I use a lot of stuff. I started using lots of makeup when I was being myself and not concerned with anyone’s opinion. Then my friend’s mom said that she thought I was a lesbian and then proceeded it with how beautiful and skinny the rest of his female friends were and how they all had boyfriends. Needless to say, she made me feel like I was ugly and fat and no guy would want me because I was being myself. 

After that, I purchased every type of makeup i could get my hands on and now my face is like 85% perfection. But I spend a good hour preparing for when I have to be around men and girls prettier and sexier than me. Lately, I havent been having fun doing makeup and my face has been greasy and theirs makeup on all my sheets. Its annoying. Plus, I used to crush on this guy and found he’s gay so thats a thing. Ha

Im also doing this challenge to prove my worth. I dont feel like I should have to wear a bunch of makeup to get someone to like me. Plus, I have to love myself in order for someone to love me. 

Happy 2014!!!!

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Its been a very long time since I’ve posted. So much has happened…….. meaning nothing has happened. One thing I can say is that I’ve gone to church more and I’m putting as much as possible into being closer to God. Myblog will be Godly and nerdy and all about whatever I want. I’m not here to argue about God or tell you (whoever is reading) that you’re living wrong. Blah blah. Truthfully, I received the best advice that I’m gonna share with you. An old friend told me: You do you, I’ll do me. So let’s keep an open mind in this 2014, that not all Christians are as judgemental as you think. Mom

Anyway, let’s talk singles night! Whovian singles night that is. Its 4 days until the night and for the first time EVER I going to a Doctor Who event without my mother. I’m going with a new friend who loves nerdy things who’s incredibly sweet. She’s really nice which is incredibly rare and I’m looking forward to learning more about her in an antiparent environment. On one hand I’m excited but I’m also afraid that I’m gonna freeze. Last year, I went to singles night and was under my mother the entire time. Which meant no one flirted, i wasnt able to chat with Alice Malice, whom im a big fan of. It was disasterous. Time Lord Fest was a lot better. I met two guys who hung with us the entire time. Unfortunately, mom didn’t tell me that the one liked me which sucked because I thought he was brilliant. I also feel like I have to censor myself so this year, I’m bringing the sexy nerd out. I wore a very conservative dress last year with a Tardis jacket. This year, its Tardis jacket plus bowtie and more breasts….. let me just show you..

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I had to repaint my shoes but they look 100 times better. I also hand made a fez! I burned the crap out of my hand but its done. I’m happy with it. Also, im painting my face with a cool design based on a recent Who episode. And I’m writing Gallifrey all over my jacket to make it look better and I’m hoping no one will notice I wore it last time. Lol I’ll post more pics of the event later and of my finished jacket. Happy Tuesday! I got church tonight. 😀

Men with character

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So theres this guy…. haha no. Im not starting like that. Ever met someone who was relatively attractive and then they open their mouths and you just die of joy? I felt like that today. So there is this guy i met at school who is really cute. I dont really go for the guy all the girls drool over but dude had this laid back type of personality. I ignored him because i knew he would just end up pretenious like the rest of the music guys in my major. Now that im gone, he comments on my Facebook every once in a while. But something happened. Not only does this guy know comic books and video games and graphic design andddd law, but he also speaks fluent french. He posted a fight club photo of himself that he edited and i swear to you, my panties dropped. I was completely caught off guard.
Everything in my being wants to tell this guy he is the sexist man alive just because his brain is amazing. That may not make sense but hear me out. I dont like a guy just because he is hot, i love their brain. You can be a huge nerd with messed up teeth and a huge nose and messy hair, but if you are sweet and respectful with a general love of video games and cosplay, you have won my heart. So there ya go. Mr sexy on my facebook, you have won but i still wouldnt date you for various reasons. (Pst.. youre kind of a jerk. :-/ im sorry but im not sorry)