Let me tell you this. Dating when you’re like me, or any eccentric light-skinned educated black woman, royally sucks. You fit in with no one race therefore dating is even more a nightmare than usual. I’ve never dated my own race but i have dated men of other races.
I had a friend ask me about this guy I ‘met’ at his party. He wanted to know what happened after we left the party together. Nothing. I do not talk about the details in my life, which includes kissing and telling. What i will explain is the line that you will forever get in the world being like we are. My most favorite line ever…
I want to be with you but……*insert excuse*
This line is a cop-out. Not just because they are trying to get into your pants but because they only wanted to be with you for the thrill. The thrill of telling all their friends that they have kissed a black girl, which ultimately beats out their friends’ whole love life history; rendering it irrelevant. This phrase is followed by another phrase…
If things were different, I would choose you to be my girlfriend…
This is also another lie. He just used you for a thrill. He wants to be with you but he knows that his parents wont accept a black girl. (I’ve dated that guy too!) I had a guy ask me to be his girlfriend. No, I didn’t force him to ask me, he just did. We were happy for a weekend and then, he just stopped talking to me. He would say good morning, good night, and I was so sweet. I tried my hardest not to be annoying and bother him but i desperately wanted his attention. He was friends with my friends and had time to go to lunch with them, but he never had time for me, which I ignored but then I told him, “I want a relationship, not an acquaintance in which I feel ignored.” Needless to say I found out he was too chicken shit to tell me that he wasn’t coming back to school the next year and he felt awful for not telling me or breaking up with me and didnt want to do the long distance thing with him going off to wherever the hell he was going. I cant say that we are friends still because every text I send him just hurts too much. I dont hate him though. He is still an amazing person.
I’ve also crushed on a guy who was simply intelligent and funny. We had intellectual conversations about everything from planets, space, Clear Channel, Doctor Who, Matt Smith Vs David Tennant etc. I think the reason i liked him was because he could keep up with me. When we hung out, I had to keep up with him not the other way around. Our strange friendship fell apart when he found out i liked him and then he told me that i wasnt his type. I find it classy because he handled it like a man and didnt hate me for liking him. Instead he actually tried to make the friendship worked. Very Classy.
We all wish situations were different but to sit around and wait for things to change wont do anything in your favor. I am just happy being friends with great people. What I love about guys is that, being different, it’s like they let you in. I have had guys tell me their deepest darkest secrets in confidence, and ask me for advice on…..everything! Girls that chase guys never get to see this side of men and I am so blessed to be able to see guys for who they really are.
On the flip side though, I decide who I date. I dont want to just date a guy because he likes me, i want to like him too. I want a guy who doesnt see my color but the awkwardness behind the huge breasts. The quirk, the jive. Everything else!
So my advice is, never chase a guy because a guy who really wants to be with you will make it happen! It takes a special guy to be able to see past the color, ignore the whispers behind his back, embrace the unusually and be able to keep up without grounding you, and stifling your voice. But first, you must love and embrace yourself first. Ignore to stares and whispers behind your back before you ask a guy to do the same.