Tag Archives: Hobbies

Just call me Mama J

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It has been a good couple of days since I have written but I have had an interesting week. First, work is more than amazing! My guys are great and already know what they want to do for their set. They listen to me, pay attention to the rules and have nicknamed me Mama J. They are some good guys.

On the other side of things, I am having issues. My heart and soul are conflicted. If you have read my previous posts, you know that I have gone through a lot of depression and constantly praying for friends. I have lost a lot of them but I am slowly creating strong relationships with the people I already have in my life. My problem now is that I can’t seem to get a friend that is…I don’t know. I give a lot in every relationship I have: romantic and non-romantic. I would let them sell my limbs if it meant seeing them happy. But my question is……

Is it healthy to be so kind that it makes you miserable?

don’t say a lot of what’s on my mind with the fear that it will hurt someone else. But lately I have been surrounded by people who are excited to be my friend and use my new skills of active listening to their advantage. I can sit around and listen to you for days, remembering every detail you tell me. But when it’s my turn to share with you, my interests just dont compare with you. Its like I am Taylor Swift and Kanye West is constantly interrupting me about something that he deams is better than what I am doing. My ex would do that to me constantly. I would show him something hilarious but before it could even finish, he would stop it and say he wasn’t going to watch it. I just sat through the last week of you showing me everything you love about yourself and your hobbies and the moment I want to share with you, you dismiss me because it’s not your thing.

That 100% bugs me the crap out of me.

So here are my constant surroundings in a nutshell:

Group 1) people who are nice to my face but I barely know anything about and it’s a very slowly growing relationship of people who think I am odd but love me anyway

Group 2) People who show me everything in the world they love but dismiss my hobbies and interests because it is not their thing

Group 3) People who I am close to that, when I try to show them things, they are so busy running around like chickens with their heads cut off that they dont hear me.

I guess what I am asking for is someone to actually listen to me. I like things that are just as important as the things you like.

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Thanks Carrie Bradshaw

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I met this guy at a speech and debate competition who did a poem that made me fall in love with him. I think it was the tone of the poem not the guy, but he had such an attitude presenting it that i drooled the whole time. I could have given him a standing ovation. But the poem he did suddenly came to mind when i saw this picture. The poem talked about how this guy was tired of women not being attracted to him so he decided to date himself. He would send himself flowers and candy and go on dates with himself. Then, when girls saw how happy and desired he was, they started to flock to him. 

I could care less about the guys flocking to me but the whole situation made me think about it. What if i dated myself? Now, i know what you’re thinking. NO. Im not going to spend nights masterbating. That is not what i meant, so get your mind out of the gutter. I want to fall in love with myself. Enjoy what I love to do and what makes me happy. I keep forgettin who I am by trying to fit into a mold that im not made for. So im going to do it. Stop feeling helpless and start loving who i am because who else will?

Rule #8: You’re allowed to like what you like

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Scenario 1:

You’re reading your favorite magazine and your significant other comes over and looks at what you’re reading. You hear them laugh, then sit down. You ask what is so funny and they say, “Nothing. I just can’t believe you read magazines like Cosmo and Glamour who think they know what men want.” You frown. “Well, they ask  guys what they think.”

“How do you really know? They always come up with something stupid. You need to read something else that isn’t stupid.”

Scenario 2:

You find something really cool or really fun (like a youtube video or tv show) and you want to show your ‘man’. You bring it to him and he watches two seconds and turns it off, right there, and walks away saying, “I just cant watch this.” and they walk away.

Now… This happens to me in every relationship and it pisses me off probably more than a guy telling me he wished I would change something about my body. I tried to show a guy i liked something really funny, and it was incredibly funny, then he turned it off saying he was done. He didnt even give it a chance. I also like to read Cosmo, but he gave me extreme hell about it because he saw something on college humor making fun of the sex articles in the magazine, believing it to be true and automatically gained an opinion about a magazine he has never even opened. He made me feel bad about it and i got sad. Whenever someone makes you stop liking your interests because they think they are stupid….GET OUT!!

You will never be happy. I used to never be happy in relationships before because guys would make fun of what i like. I would get insulted and feel bad about liking my girly stuff. In the end, I would give it all up. I was never happy until we broke up when i started doing things i used to love and saw how angry it made my boyfriend. I would always try to show them things, and because they werent interested in what i was saying and showing them, they would walk away like i wasnt trying to share something.

I feel like its incredibly selfish when someone you’re with wont let you share something with them just becase they arent interested. Arent people youre with supposed to want to know more about  you? They aren’t supposed to dismiss you just because its not something they automatically like. Being in a couple means you share everything with each other. You learn things about each other and love everything about each other. You’re supposed to love everything about that person, even the things you hate. Thats what a relationship is supposed to be.

Instead i find close-minded guys who bitch like women on their periods when i have my own interests because im not dismissive about what i love to do and read. Remember that guy i talked about earlier? The one who made fun of me for liking Cosmo? Well, he did it way too many times, and I cursed him out. He was fussing about a magazine article where researchers gave trivia about the truth about penises. He fussed because he didn’t think it was right. He yelled and fussed about how magazines give you the wrong idea about men and how they don’t know anything and it’s all fabricated and blah blah blah.

I stopped him. “LOOK!! Just because you think everything on the internet is true doesn’t mean that it is! The people in this magazine actually do research and ask guys what turns them on. They even give the guys’ twitter adresses to prove they are real. They have reports from researchers that support their articles.”

His response? “Oh really? I would like to see those research reports because i doubt they have them. Its a bunch of crap.”

Me: “I bet if you call them and ask for the actual research reports, they can send them to you! How about you ask those dumb asses on Reddit, or whereever the fuck you get your information, to supply you with some tangible research. Until then, im gonna keep reading my magazines and i dont want to hear a damn thing about it from you!”

That may seem mean, but you dont know this guy. He believes everything he reads on Reddit as truth because, i suspect, he was too scared to go out and live life. He lives life bi-curiously through the internet, even sex. All he watches is porn and reddit shit. End. Of.

Yes, I sound mean but sometimes you have to stand up for what you want to do. There are quite a few guys out there who don’t want you to have your own hobbies. Just beware and continue to love what you love because those things make you who you are.

PS. let me just say that I have always read Cosmopolitan since I was little. Everything i know how to do came from that magazine, and i have had rave reviews. So…yeah. He can suck it!