It has been a good couple of days since I have written but I have had an interesting week. First, work is more than amazing! My guys are great and already know what they want to do for their set. They listen to me, pay attention to the rules and have nicknamed me Mama J. They are some good guys.
On the other side of things, I am having issues. My heart and soul are conflicted. If you have read my previous posts, you know that I have gone through a lot of depression and constantly praying for friends. I have lost a lot of them but I am slowly creating strong relationships with the people I already have in my life. My problem now is that I can’t seem to get a friend that is…I don’t know. I give a lot in every relationship I have: romantic and non-romantic. I would let them sell my limbs if it meant seeing them happy. But my question is……
Is it healthy to be so kind that it makes you miserable?
I don’t say a lot of what’s on my mind with the fear that it will hurt someone else. But lately I have been surrounded by people who are excited to be my friend and use my new skills of active listening to their advantage. I can sit around and listen to you for days, remembering every detail you tell me. But when it’s my turn to share with you, my interests just dont compare with you. Its like I am Taylor Swift and Kanye West is constantly interrupting me about something that he deams is better than what I am doing. My ex would do that to me constantly. I would show him something hilarious but before it could even finish, he would stop it and say he wasn’t going to watch it. I just sat through the last week of you showing me everything you love about yourself and your hobbies and the moment I want to share with you, you dismiss me because it’s not your thing.
That 100% bugs me the crap out of me.
So here are my constant surroundings in a nutshell:
Group 1) people who are nice to my face but I barely know anything about and it’s a very slowly growing relationship of people who think I am odd but love me anyway
Group 2) People who show me everything in the world they love but dismiss my hobbies and interests because it is not their thing
Group 3) People who I am close to that, when I try to show them things, they are so busy running around like chickens with their heads cut off that they dont hear me.
I guess what I am asking for is someone to actually listen to me. I like things that are just as important as the things you like.